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I tried seven burgers at Hardee’s, and it was mostly a waste of time

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seven Harde's citizens

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

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Have you ever found yourself frozen in a moment of drive-thru panic? That can happen, especially at Hardee’s, where the burgers range from very similar to only a crazy person would eat in this area.

Hardee’s is surprisingly expensive for a fast food restaurant, so which burger should you choose? The answer is probably none. But if you’re already there, here’s what I discovered when I tried all seven burgers.

Hardee's Bacon CheeseburgerHardee's Bacon Cheeseburger

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

Best: Bacon cheeseburger

$7.29

Hardee’s Bacon Cheeseburger isn’t bad, but I’m sad to say this is the best review I have. It’s almost special because the bacon is incredibly crispy and tastes just like something you’d get at dinner. But in an instant you realize that the bacon is bland. No, very lame. No, extremely bland, to the point where even tasting it yields almost no flavor. You’ve come this far with the texture, Hardee’s, why stop there?

Famous star of HardeeFamous star of Hardee

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

2. Famous star

$6.29

I’m not sure if the special sauce tastes the same as ketchup or if my store made a mistake, but in this case I can’t decipher the difference. I’m pretty sure I have ketchup. Anyway, this isn’t bad either. The Famous Star is fairly under control, with lettuce that actually fits on the bun and the sauce that stays put.

Hardee's frisco burgerHardee's frisco burger

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

3. Frisco burger

$6.89

When Hardee’s comes for my sweet, sweet Jack in the Box, he can try again. There can only be one sourdough fast food king, and his name is Jack. However, it is difficult not to get lost in the classic harmony of bacon, mayonnaise, tomato and white bread. Add a burger patty to it, and it’s fine for me.

Oh yes, and by the way. Hardee’s, for your own good, don’t let actual Bay Area residents get wind of you calling this a “Frisco” burger. True San Franciscans would die before calling their city “Frisco.” (“San Fran” is also out.)

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Large Cheeseburger from HardeesLarge Cheeseburger from Hardees

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

4. Large cheeseburger

$4.29

This is pretty basic, but I don’t see anything serious about it. It’s a bit like eating three of those small cheeseburgers from McDonald’s, but the thick patty that Hardee’s serves on top is a bit tiring. This is the last bastion of sanity before Hardee’s loses its mind over explosive savory flavors.

Related: 8 delicious fast food cookies

hardes Mushroom and Swiss Burgerhardes Mushroom and Swiss Burger

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

5. Mushroom and Swiss burger

$7.99

The first bite of this burger is quite special. Butter mushrooms are one of the purest forms of umami, and the way the swiss and the mayo go together makes one bite of pure, savory decadence. But that’s really all I can muster: that one bite. If I ate it all, I’d have to take a six-hour nap. Some kind of acid to break through this citizen’s wealth would go a long way. How about a little balsamic vinegar?

Related: Every Wendy’s Burger, Ranked

hard monsterhard monster

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

6. Monster

$10.39

This thing costs a whopping 10 US dollars. That’s a lot for an a la carte fast food burger, and while it’s undoubtedly very filling, it’s just a few patties and some bacon. It is also the only burger on the menu that does not contain the word ‘burger’. It’s just: Monster. Love that.

This burger is as heavy as food can get. You’re better off with the bacon cheeseburger for three dollars less.

Related: I’ve tried every McDonald’s Burger, and this was definitely the best

Philly Cheesesteak Angus Burger from Harde'sPhilly Cheesesteak Angus Burger from Harde's

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

7. Philly Cheesesteak Angus Burger

$7.79

A patty topped with ribeye is simply not my thing. I don’t really understand who would want this, and that’s coming from a kid from California who grew up on pastrami burgers. If you want a cheesesteak, buy a cheesesteak; don’t settle for this gigantic mess of steak, American AND Swiss cheese, peppers, and about a gallon of mayonnaise. That is difficult.

This article originally appeared on Cheapism

seven Harde's citizensseven Harde's citizens

Wilder Shaw / Cheapism

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